Yes, You Do Too Have to Read Her Mind

Posted by Jew from Jersey
18 July 2023

Not much experience with women is required to realize that they want you to be able to read their minds. If you have to ask them anything, you don’t deserve to know. If they have to come out and tell you they want something, they won’t want it anymore, at least not from you.

This displeasure at having to divulge information about their own preferences or states of mind is sometimes ascribed to a lack of self-esteem or to the patriarchy having intimidated them into feeling that their own needs don’t matter. In a nutshell, that is all nonsense. There are many women today who have a proven record of communicating exactly what they want clearly and decisively in every other sphere of life. And yet in the romantic or sexual sphere, these same women do not want to have to express themselves and have no use for a man who cannot effectively read their minds. No matter how much self-esteem a woman has, she will always be disappointed if a man she likes has to ask her what she wants and if she has to tell him, she does not like him anymore.

Of course, women like the patriarchy/self-esteem explanation precisely because it absolves them of having to say that they want men to read their minds. If they have to tell a man that they want him to read their mind, then they no longer want him to, etc. And men like the patriarchy/self-esteem excuse too because it absolves them of having to learn to read a woman’s mind. Why should he learn to do it? The patriarchy should just stop ruining her self-esteem...

By refusing to read a woman’s mind, men are in fact refusing their own masculinity. They want sex from women without themselves having to act like men. This is very similar to how some women want marriage or long-term investment from men without having to behave in a feminine way, learn to cook, be sweet to those men, etc. They’ll say things like: “This isn’t the 1950s!” and “Why can’t he just pay a professional chef?” They are in rebellion against their own femininity and want the benefits of heterosexual monogamy without having to act like women. And they, too, like to blame “the patriarchy” when this doesn’t work out. Sadly, some women are so far gone down this path that only the most powerful, most promiscuous, most heartless men will be able to bring any femininity out of them at all and these will be the only men they can love. But consider that for any woman, the more masculine you are, the easier it will be for her to be feminine, and vice versa.

Men always ask: “Why doesn’t she just tell me what she wants?” But consider that by asking her to do that, you are effectively asking her to name her price. You are effectively transforming yourself from a lover into a customer. And better a lover who brings the wrong tribute than a john who pays exact change.

This is also why, when asked by men for dating or marriage advice, women almost universally give advice that is exceptionally bad. Even when a man’s question is phrased in generic terms or asked on behalf of a third party, women by default interpret it to mean “tell me what her/your price is.” When a man has reduced himself to being a paying supplicant, the only advice he will get serves no other purpose than to punish him for having asked or else to get women things they want anyway: do more chores, buy her more expensive gifts, give up on ever having sex again, don’t be so “controlling” and “insecure” while she’s pursuing an affair, etc. It is not advice that will help the man who’s asking get what he’s asking about.

Notice that when women commiserate together over their husbands’ shortcomings: what bad kissers they are, what bad lovers they are, how they always buy the wrong gifts or say the wrong things, etc., none of them will ever suggest to the others that maybe they should try explaining to their husbands how to kiss, what gifts to buy, etc. This is because the point of such conversations is not to bring about improvement, it is to expose the husbands as unworthy. If women are talking about their husbands like this, they no longer want them to be worthy.

As long as a woman wants you, there is going to have to be some kind of test involving some kind of ambiguity that you are going to have to figure out.

These tests are heavily rigged and self-fulfilling. A preferred test-taker will be supplied with every hint, while a dispreferred one will repeatedly be asked to do the impossible. But this is not a bad thing! If you are sensing that nothing you can do is right, she probably doesn’t really want you to get it right. That is valuable information. You just have to understand that by the same principle, she can’t just tell you that nothing you do will ever be right, you have to read her mind and figure that out yourself.

In a twist of irony that often baffles men, it is often older women and promiscuous women who set the most difficult tasks. But even the most naïve and trusting woman, if she wants a certain man, will leave something for him to figure out. If she has to spell it out herself, it no longer means anything. She is then only pointing out where he has failed.

These ambiguity resolution tests are not a gateway exam after which you are home free. Don’t bite off more than you can chew because this will not be just a one-time event. The exam is the job. If you pass, your recompense is having to do this kind of test again every day for as long as she continues to want you. It is a huge mistake to think that just because you’ve been married a certain number of years, your wife no longer requires you to read her mind. No amount of money, number of kids, or years of marriage will get you out of this continuing requirement. People who tell you marriages are doomed to fail after a certain amount of time are just full of sour grapes. There is no limit to how long a marriage can succeed. But every day is a new test. It is never “happily ever after” nor can it ever be “fireproofed.”

You don’t necessarily have to resolve her ambiguities the way she wants them resolved, you just have to read them correctly and resolve them decisively in real time. The phrase “happy wife happy life” is both true and not true. Neither of you will be very happy just because you give her what she wants or tell her everything she wants to hear, especially if she has to ask for it explicitly. And both of you will be happier if you can tell what she wants without being told and then acknowledge it, even if ultimately your decision is to not give her what she wants to be given or tell her what she wants to hear. Sometimes, what she wants most is actually to be brought back under control or be disabused of her illusions. Only you can do that.

You must also consider that in the context of marriage, a wife who actually does “just tell” her husband what she wants is skirting dangerously close to becoming a nagging or even a domineering wife. That rarely ends well. And a husband who waits around for his wife to tell him what she wants so he can make her happy is just asking for a lifetime of misery. If truly nothing makes her happy, what she really wants is probably a divorce.

Every man has some room for improvement, but also limits to how much he will actually improve. Every wife has at least some capacity to encourage and support her husband without telling him what to do, but also limits as to what she will tolerate if he doesn’t do it. If he fails to do what she needs him to, she will fall out of love with him and things will end very badly. But if she has to tell him what she needs, she will fall out of love with him anyway and the result will be the same.

Men should not be upset if their wives do not tell them what they want. A wife who can remain silent and a husband who appreciates this can go a long way together. If she ever tells him: this is what you need to do, then she is no longer in love with him, she is negotiating a price for herself. Women who are out of love with their husbands will sometimes offer lists of proposed improvements with the best of intentions, truly believing that if only the husband changed along these lines, she would desire him again. She is then confused and embarrassed when the husband dutifully jumps through the hoops, and she finds him even more repulsive than before.